Leaving a Legacy of Purpose

....NOT PERFECTION

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The Pressure to be Perfect Parents and Child Pleasers

As parents, do you find yourself completely overwhelmed by the day to day? For those of you who answered yes —the good news is that you aren’t alone. A 2024 article from parents.com reveals the following:

• 57% of parents say that fitting in all their families activities is a challenge.

• 54% of parents struggle to keep track all of the details of their family's schedule.

• 68% of parents are burdened with the amount of tasks to complete.

Are you stressed, struggling, and burdened by the pressure of being the perfect parent who makes sure that the kiddos are always happy, always smiling, and never disappointed? I’m not saying that it’s wrong to work to maintain a level of happiness and peace in our homes, but I believe for many of us, we are working ourselves to complete exhaustion for big moments that give little happiness.

We want to give our children everything their little hearts desire, protect them from hurt at all cost, prevent their disappointments, and by-pass their struggles. We want them to be happy!

And even with the best of intentions, if we are really honest with ourselves, Our primary purpose was or is the hope of giving them an amazing childhood —one they will look back with a cheerful hearts, patting ol’ mom and dad on the back with loyal admiration, gracious hearts and unending love.

I am not writing from a place of the superiority or arrogance of a mom who has gotten it all right. My days rarely follow the picture that I dreamed up in my mind that would end with me be pleased with all of my good efforts and the whole house going to bed with smiles on their faces. I write because often these have been some of my greatest struggles in parenting which have offered me some of the best lessons. I write from a place of the experiences that life having taught me quite a bit about the true source of happiness & joy.

Regardless of my good intentions; being all things for my children, making them endlessly happy, and accommodating their daily comforts has never brought any sustaining amount of joy.

However the happiness found in snuggling in the bed to read one more Bible story with my little one when I am way past exhausted, getting up way too early to prepare my own heart before I try to pour into others, and taking time to have the conversations that offer comfort and encouragement when the daily allowed word count is way past its limit has brought happiness —true happiness. Because these were the moments that were for the purpose of something far greater than myself, my kids or our comforts —they were about the purpose of an eternal legacy.

Through study and research, I have been reminded that if our search for true joy isn’t based on the Word of God, then we are striving for only momentary bits of happiness. And if our sole purpose as parents isn’t built on the Truth of God’s Word, we are parenting from an inconsistent and broken foundation.

Today, in spite of my best efforts and preparation for the day, guess what— it still didn’t go as planned. I made lunches the night before, I set the coffee to brew early, I woke up an hour before the rest of the family, I spent time in my Bible, said my prayers, had breakfast ready when I woke up my little 3rd grader. Should have all went perfect —right? Ha! Guess again. I won’t bore you with the list of everything that went wrong but I can tell you that they were all things that I had no control over. They were annoying little moments that completely interrupted perfect plans just like they do most morning.

And this morning I was reminded of God’s grace and mercy as I walked out of the door a tad bit frustrated—shutting to door louder than usual in hopes it would bring…. well I’m not really even sure what I hoped it would bring. But whatever I thought it would—it didn’t.

As I began to back out of the garage, I looked back at the face of my baby girl in the back seat who was curiously watching my expressions, maybe wondering why mom seemed flustered just because one thing went wrong (she didn’t know about or witness the other 10 things). But instead of asking, she just said, I sure do love you mom and instantly my heart softened. So why was I flustered and did it really matter? Honestly, in the moment it felt like it did, but in the next moment it didn’t because what mattered came into focus.

She reset my attitude with her gentle smile, kind words, and grace filled heart. I began to beat myself up a bit for my bad attitude but then I was reminded that striving to fake perfection in my home distorts and harms my children’s ability to give and receive grace.

I was reminded that my children will fail and they will see me fail.

I was reminded that some days will run smooth and some not so much.

I was reminded that we may not always feel happy and that’s okay. Daily happiness is not promised but Joy in Christ is.

I was reminded that mine and my husbands God-given responsibility is not to make our kids happy, it’s to point them to the One that can make them holy!

And I was reminded that as parents, even though all of our lives are drastically different, our starting point of leaving an eternal legacy for our children must begin with and be rooted in foundational truths such as:

“The Lord our God, the Lord is one.” Deut. 6:4

The words of the prophet Isaiah: “I am the Lord, and there is no other,
besides me there is no God.” (Isaiah 45:5)

John’s Gospel which says “And this is eternal life, that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent.” (John 17:3)

Along with many more that are foundational to our lives as Christians.

True Christian discipleship must begin with a right view of the Truth and Power of who God is and the belief that His mercy and grace cover our imperfections.

Parents, I fear that far too often we teach salvation and the foundations of the Christina faith to our children by starting with who they are — sinners in need of a Savior. While this is completely Gospel truth, if we fail to FIRST teach them the truths of who God is and the love He has for them, we risk producing little obedient rule followers who completely understand behavior modification but have never experienced true heart change through new life in Jesus Christ.

Parents, the first step of effective Christian discipleship is your belief in God as the foundation for your life — which you then live out in the home and teach to your children.

Trust me —you won’t always get it right. I certainly do not. But on day when you do; and everyone goes to bed smiling and happy —praise God for His Good Gifts. But when nothing goes according to plan and you find yourself discouraged and frustrated —praise God then too because the hard days make room for lessons of repentance and grace.

So- let’s revisit the earlier statistics mentioned…

• To the 57% of parents who are overwhelmed from trying to fit in all of their families many activities —

  • be reminded that that the best “activity” you can fit in is to teach and live out the foundational belief that “The Lord our God, the Lord is one”. Activities are not wrong, but I would encourage you to examine what you are excluding to fit them all in.

• To the 54% of parents who struggle to keep track of all the details of their family's schedule—

  • be reminded to teach and live what it looks like to spend intentional time with God in His Word as well as being an active part of the local body of the church. If you don’t have time for this due to optional extracurriculars, then I would lovingly suggest that you take an honest look at your priorities and your foundation. Because what you prioritize as the most importants, will speak volumes to your children about what should be most important to them as well

• To the 68% of parents who are burdened with the amount of tasks to complete.

  • be reminded that our primary burden should be the eternal state of our children’s souls. I fear we are investing more into the completion of our daily tasks rather than investing into God’s Eternal Kingdom.

I get it —for most of us parents, life is busy, hectic and often extremely chaotic. It’s the life I live as well. And having children who range from 20-8, for me personally, all ages and stages have produced their own level of busy. If you find yourself in the same place, I hope to encourage you with some practical ways that my husband and I disciple and point our kids towards Jesus in the every day moments of life.

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Practical Tools for Parental Discipleship

Catechism Questions

One of my favorite methods for teaching foundational truths is catechism — a simple Q&A style of instruction. Discuss them in the car on the way to school, at the dinner table, at bedtime or the busy moments in between. These are foundational unchanging Truths.

Examples:

• Who made you and everything? — God made everything and me. (Genesis 1:1)

• What is the center and point of everything? — God is the center and point of everything. (Genesis 1:1)

• How do we know there is a God? — The light of nature in man and the Word of God declare it, but His Word and Spirit reveal Him for salvation. (Psalm 19:1–2, Romans 1:18–20)

• Who made God? — No one made God; He is eternal. (Psalm 90:2)

Imagine the conversations that can grow from just one question paired with Scripture.

Family Memory Verse Challenges

Find a common area in your home that is visibly seen to everyone throughout the day. Place a chalk board, dry erase board, or cork board there with the weekly memory verse challenge. At the end of the week give everyone a chance to recite it and ask them how this Truth can be applied to their days.

What about you guys? What are your methods of discipleship in your homes?

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Closing Challenge

Are you living and parenting from the foundational belief of who God is and trusting Him as the authority over every moment? Or are you only teaching it in words?

Your children hear the volume of your actions long before your words.

May we begin every day grounded in the truth of who God is — so we can fruitfully multiply His image near and far.

Please know that if you ever have questions or would like my help in offering thoughts and ideas for implementing God-centered rhythms in your home, you are always welcome to reach out.

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If you missed any of the past post in the Leaving a Legacy Blog Series you can read them by visiting the following links:

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Joyfully HIS,

Jennifer N. Pearson